


The Climax

by IsaacTheGreat69



Series: 'Better' [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Some comfort, Sort of? - Freeform, abuse mention, graphic depictions of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21603697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaacTheGreat69/pseuds/IsaacTheGreat69
Summary: Virgil shakes the memories off, wiping at his damp cheeks. There’s only one person he wants to talk to right now; Patton more than likely wouldn’t pick up and since he probably went to Logan, the intellectual wouldn’t be available. Even if he was, Virgil doubted he’d be able to deal with… any of this. Virgil’s thumb hovers over Roman’s contact. He would know what to do. If nothing else, it’d be nice to cry into his friend’s shoulder. To not be alone tonight.He taps the little phone icon and holds his phone to his ear.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/ Morality | Patton Sanders, Moxiety
Series: 'Better' [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1120860
Comments: 19
Kudos: 135





	1. Don't Leave Me Alone

Virgil shakes the memories off, wiping at his damp cheeks. He had no idea how long he’d been sitting alone on the floor of his and Patton’s shared apartment, but golden light was filtering through the windows as the sun began to set outside. Virgil’s entire body protests as he slowly gets to his feet, sore from his run-in with Dee and sitting on the floor for hours. The pain is something he’s used to though, so instead of succumbing to it and wallowing on the couch he uses it to push himself to look for his phone.

He finds it buried in his blankets on his bed, pressing the power button to light the screen up. There’s only one person he wants to talk to right now; Patton more than likely wouldn’t pick up and since he probably went to Logan, the intellectual wouldn’t be available. Even if he was, Virgil doubted he’d be able to deal with… any of this. Virgil’s thumb hovers over Roman’s contact. He would know what to do. If nothing else, it’d be nice to cry into his friend’s shoulder. To not be alone tonight. 

He taps the little phone icon and holds his phone to his ear. 

“Be More Emo! To what do I owe the pleasure of-”

“I ran into Dee in the park.” His voice is totally wrecked, hoarse and cracking, betraying the ocean of emotions warring in his heart. He can practically feel the levity draining from Roman before he responds. 

“I’ll be over in five.”

Virgil shuffles out into the living room, taking the blanket off of the back of the couch and wrapping it around himself before curling up in his armchair. He holds his phone in one hand, the ends of the blanket in the other, and he waits. 

True to form, Roman is there in five minutes, letting himself in and marching into the living room looking like a man on a mission. When he finds Virgil on the couch, hair a mess, cheeks tear-stained, eyes sad and haunted, the fight drains out of him. He sinks down to his knees in front of Virgil, looking up at him with a soft look. “Hey there, Emo Nightmare.”

“Hey,” Virgil croaks, wiping at his eyes. Sometime while he’d been waiting for Roman, tears had started to fall from his eyes again.

“How you doin’?”

“Not so great, Ro.” 

Roman frowns, clicking his tongue. “What happened? Can you… do you wanna talk about it?”

Virgil tenses, and he doesn’t release the breath he’s holding until Roman takes his hand.

_ Virgil had been trying everything to alleviate his anxiety, but nothing seemed to be working. He’d tried his fidget cube, TV, drawing, breathing exercises even though he was breathing fine, but he couldn’t quiet the voice in his head that insisted that something was wrong, that  _ he  _ was wrong. When Patton had asked if something was wrong and Virgil confessed to his struggle, Patton gave him a reassuring smile.  _

_ “You could take a walk to the park! You always feel better when you come back. I could even come with you!” _

_ Virgil smiles softly at his boyfriend. He did have a point, Virgil always felt better after taking a breather outside. “I think I’ll be okay. Besides, you gotta get that thing done for work, right?” _

_ Patton’s eyes widen and he shoots to his feet, cartoons forgotten. “You’re right! Shoot!” Virgil chuckles softly as Patton races back to his room, the door shutting behind him. Right. A walk to the park. Virgil finds his earphones in his room and plugs them into his phone, making sure to grab his keys before heading out the door.  _

_ As Virgil walks, he notes that he’s already feeling a little better. Panic! At The Disco plays in his ears, the sun shines down on him warmly, and the neighborhood is calm. He sighs contently, crossing the street to get to the park and sitting down just as the current song ends and What A Catch, Donnie begins. Virgil stuffs his hands into his pockets and relaxes on the bench, watching runners pass on the paths, people with dogs toss balls and frisbees, and a few kids run around in the playground.  _

_ Virgil’s halfway through Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time when he feels the presence of another person sitting next to him. A small thread of paranoia snakes its way into his mind, making him uncomfortable, but he refuses to look at the newcomer. Most likely it was just a jogger who wanted to rest, or someone else who was completely normal and wanted to enjoy the park just like Virgil was doing. He’s really gotta work on not catastrophizing.  _

_ Those thoughts screech to an abrupt halt when a warm hand snakes up his thigh. Virgil tenses, turning to tell the stranger off for being a creep and invading his space, but his blood runs cold at the sight of the person next to him. It’s been a year and a half, but Dee looks the same as he did the day Virgil left.  _

_ Well, he wasn’t red-faced and screaming, but still. _

_ Dee leers at him as he shrinks into himself almost instinctively. “Hello, Virge.” The way Virgil’s name rolls off his tongue makes the anxious one shudder. This is his worst nightmare, come to life. What could Dee possibly be doing here? A year and a half of coming to this park, and Virgil runs into him  _ now _?  _

_ Nausea claws at Virgil’s throat and lungs. He feels trapped despite the open space, suffocated despite the clean air. Dee’s mere presence shrinks Virgil’s world until it’s just the two of them and he’s feeling so cold and alone and afraid caught under the predator’s gaze.  _

_ Dee squeezes Virgil’s thigh, the look in his eyes making Virgil feel exposed, naked. He pulls his hoodie closer around himself. “I’ve missed you so much,” Dee purrs. “How have you been?” _

_ Virgil finally manages to find his voice, stuttering out, “B-better, without you.” He sits up, his hands clenching in the fabric of his hoodie. He has to show Dee that he’s not able to be controlled so easily, that he’s not some pathetic puppet anymore. Patton’s voice echoes in his head.  _ ‘He can’t control you.’

_ Dee laughs, the sound grating on Virgil’s bones. “I know you’re lying, Virge. You miss me, admit it.” It wasn’t a request, or a question. It was an order. And for reasons he didn’t understand, Virgil wanted to agree with him. To tell Dee that he missed him. But that wasn’t right; Virgil had Patton, he loves Patton.  _

_ “I-I don’t!” Virgil curses internally at the stutter. He can’t show Dee that he’s scared or intimidated. He can’t. _

_ Dee tsks softly, his fingers brushing Virgil’s jaw. “Careful now, you’re going to draw attention to us.” His tone brings back painful memories that make Virgil shudder, his blood turning to ice.  _

_ “I-I don’t. I don’t miss you...” He mutters, his voice dieing in his throat. No, Virgil, come on! Be strong! The hand on his thigh leaves, leaving behind the feeling that he’s been burned. Relief washes through Virgil, thinking he’s finally convinced Dee to leave when a hand on his chin makes Virgil meet Dee’s heated gaze. Virgil swallows, his heartbeat speeding up.  _

_ “Don’t lie to me.” _

_ “I- I’m sorry-” _

_ Dee makes a face, a mix of disgust and anger, and grabs Virgil’s wrist tightly. Virgil gasps softly as Dee pulls him to his feet, trying to yank his wrist out of the other’s grip. Dee doesn’t budge, beginning to stride towards the sidewalk, away from the park, and Virgil gives up, his wrist aching. Virgil’s eyes don’t leave the sidewalk as they walk, too afraid to see where they’re going. Only once Dee’s pace slows does Virgil dare to look up, his eyes widening at the sight of his old home. His heart skips a beat, his breathing picking up, eyes darting around as fight-or-flight kicks in. Virgil digs his heels into the ground as Dee drags him closer to the door, his hand flexing as he tries once again to pull his wrist free.  _

_ Dee whips around to glare at Virgil, pulling hard at his wrist. Virgil gasps in pain, his points screaming in protest. _

_ “Do not make me angry, Anxiety,” Dee snarls in Virgil’s face, flecks of spit landing on Virgil’s cheeks. The nickname is like a bucket of cold water over Virgil’s head. His breath hitches and his muscles go lax, his eyes unfocused. Dee takes the chance to drag Virgil into the house, slamming the door behind them and making Virgil jump, eyes refocusing. Virgil opens his mouth to scream and Dee surges forward, silencing him with a harsh kiss. _

_ Virgil’s mind clouds over, his eyes once again becoming unfocused as he retreats into his mind. He barely feels it as Dee manhandles him, groping him through his jeans before pulling him away from the door and down onto the couch. His eyes slip closed as Dee begins to undress him, the chill of the A/C barely registering in his mind. Dee makes quick work of Virgil’s clothes and then his own, pushing Virgil’ thighs apart and sitting between them.  _

_ Virgil gasps softly as Dee forces two lubed fingers into his hole, retreating further into his mind. Dee preps him with little fanfare before slicking up his cock and quickly burying himself to the hilt inside of Virgil. He groans at the feeling of Virgil tightening around him, thrusting hard and fast. It isn’t long before he finds Virgil’s prostate and Virgil cries out, being forced out of his mind and back into the moment. Dee chuckles as he continues to fuck into Virgil, muttering obscenities and insults with ragged breath.  _

_ Virgil’s only thought is about Patton. He wants to go home to Patton, to be held and have his hair pet and be told everything was going to be okay. He lets out small gasps and whimpers whenever Dee brushes that spot inside of him, robbing him of the relief of blocking out the world. Tears begin to leak from his eyes as the thoughts intensify. Patton. He wants Patton. He wants to go home. _

_ Dee comes inside of him and Virgil nearly sobs with relief, thinking it’s over. When Dee continues to thrust inside of him instead of pulling out Virgil lets out a pitiful whine, daring to look up at Dee.  _

_ “I’m not stopping until you come, slut. You should thank me for being so nice.” _

_ The tears start to fall faster. Dee wraps a hand around his cock, shame burning in Virgil’s gut when he realizes he’s hard. Dee slams into his prostate on nearly every thrust. That coupled with the hand jerking him off has Virgil coming moments later, milking a second orgasm out of Dee.  _

_ Dee finally pulls out, sneering down at Virgil. “You’re such an easy slut. You don’t deserve love, or happiness; you taint everything you touch. You’re not a person, you’re an object to be used and passed around.” Virgil doesn’t show any signs of having heard him, staring blankly at the wall with tears running down his face. Dee scoffs and gets dressed, speaking over his shoulder as he heads for the door. “You have five minutes to get the fuck out of my house.” _

_ Virgil lays there for what feels like an eternity before he can bring himself to sit up, his body protesting the action. He moves like a robot with rusted joints, all his movements slow and jilted as he makes his way to the kitchen. There, he wets a dishcloth and wipes at the cum leaking out of him and drying on his stomach. He makes his way back into the living room and slowly gets dressed. He knows somewhere in his mind that it’s been longer than five minutes, but he’s also pretty sure Dee isn’t even home. He walked out the front door, after all.  _

_ Once Virgil is dressed, he exits the house, feeling like a black stain on a perfect picture. He looks left, then right, and starts walking.  _

Roman looks at Virgil with wide, tearful eyes, rage burning in his chest. “Oh my God, V, I’m so sorry. Is- did you talk to Patton yet?”

Virgil nods. His eyes haven’t left his socked feet since he began his recount of events, his face completely blank and unemotional save for the tears dripping down his cheeks. 

_ Virgil shuts the door quietly behind him, glad to finally be home. His feet throb, his eyes ache from crying, and his body hurts. He just wants to take a shower and cuddle up with Patton.  _

_ “Virge? That you, baby?” _

_ Virgil clears his throat. “Yeah, Pat.” His voice still sounds a little rough, but he doubts Patton will notice. He makes his way to his room and tosses his phone onto the bed. He debates taking his hoodie off, but… He needs it. He doesn’t feel right without it. Too exposed. _

_ Patton’s door opens and he starts talking, his bright voice relaxing some of the tension in Virgil’s shoulders. “So I was thinking for dinner we could…” His voice dies off as Virgil turns around to face him. He takes in Virgil’s splotchy face, his red eyes, messy hair and clothes. _

_ The hickeys on his neck. _

_ Patton’s breath hitches, his expression turning to one of hurt. Virgil’s in contrast turns to one of confusion. “Pat…?” He asks softly, taking a step forward. Patton shakes his head, taking a step back towards the living room.  _

_ “Virgil, w-... where were you?” _

_ Virgil’s eyebrows furrow. He takes another step forward, and Patton takes another one back. “I went to the park like you said.” _

_ Patton shakes his head again. “That’s- no, where were you  _ really _?” _

_ “Pat, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Virgil’s heart starts to beat faster and he reaches out for Patton. Patton takes two steps back, now in the living room.  _

_ “Don’t lie!” He snaps, anger mixing with the hurt.  _

_ Virgil flinches back. “Pat, I’m not  _ lying _ , what-” _

_ “I can see the proof right there! On your neck! What’s their name?” _

_ Virgil’s fingers unconsciously go to his neck and his eyes widen. One last vindictive act to ruin Virgil’s happiness. “Pat, please, just listen-” _

_ “No! I don’t want to hear your excuses!”  _

_ Virgil walks forward into the living room, Patton keeping two feet between them. The act crushes Virgil’s heart. “Patton-” _

_ “How could you do this?! How could you just throw away everything we have! You’re so horrible! So selfish! I can’t believe you!” _

_ Virgil’s breath hitches, the words cutting like knives at his already fragile heart. Dee’s words ring in his head.  _

“You taint everything you touch.”

_ “I didn’t want it to be like this, but I had no control!” Virgil cries, his fists clenching at his sides. His nails dig into his palms, the sparks of pain making his already quick heartbeat speed up even more. He felt light-headed. He was going to lose Patton because of Dee. He didn’t want to lose Patton. _

_ “Yes you did! Quit playing the victim, Virgil, and take responsibility for your actions!” Patton’s silhouette is intimidating; shoulders squared, brow furrowed and frowning like Dee did when he was about to punish Virgil. It scared him, his heart in his throat, taking a step back and flinching a little when his legs meet the couch.  _

_ “What is that supposed to mean?”  _

_ Patton cards a hand through his hair, Virgil watching as some of the curls stick out stubbornly. “Look, I get it, you- you’re messed up. You’ve had it bad, but at some point you have to stop blaming the world and what happened to you for the way you act and take some responsibility for yourself. You’re not a child anymore.”  _

_ His words felt like a slap to the face. Virgil scoffs, fear melting into indignation. “Oh, really? Because you sure act like I am. Calling me ‘kiddo’ and babying me all the fucking time like I can’t do anything for myself!” _

_ Patton throws his hands up, turning and taking two steps away before turning back on Virgil and coming even closer. “You were hurting, and I was helping you! I’m so sorry if that was inconvenient for you! Was I smothering? Did you think I was clingy? Were things so bad you felt like you had to- to- just to get a break?” Virgil notices the tears in Patton’s eyes and his already fractured heart shatters.  _

_ “Pat, please! I’m sorry!” He pleads, taking a step closer to Patton, his hands out in front of him but too afraid to actually touch the other. Patton shakes his head and turns away, heading for the door.  _

_ Virgil panics and surges forward, gripping the cardigan around Patton’s shoulders with trembling fingers. Patton stops, but doesn’t turn to face him. Tears clog Virgil’s throat. “I- I just-” _

_ “You just what, Virgil?” Patton asks quietly, voice strained. Virgil can’t see Patton’s face, and he wants so desperately to hug him and apologize for everything. He rubs at the hickey poking out over the collar of his shirt self-consciously.  _

_ “....I’m sorry.”  _

_ Patton grabs his keys and wallet off the table by the door before leaving. _

Roman is looking over Virgil’s shoulder at the door as Virgil finishes the story, his expression pensive and angry. “I’ll kill him.”

Virgil startles, finally looking up at Roman. “It’s not his fault! I-”

“No, you’re right, it’s that snake’s! I’ll kill both of them!” Roman rises to his feet, on a war path. Virgil’s eyes widen and he shoots to his feet, protests cut off by a pained gasp. 

And just like that, the fire dies from Roman’s eyes and he helps Virgil sit back down, squeezing his hand. “Have you... “ He grimaces, trying to find a way to phrase it lightly. “If we went to the authorities, would they be able to do a rape kit?”

Virgil’s cheeks redden in embarrassment and shame and he nods, his eyes burning. He never did get around to that shower. 

Roman nods, standing up. “Come on then. I’m not letting him get away with this again.” Virgil sniffs as he rises to his feet, following Roman out of the apartment and settling in his car, trying to keep his breathing even as Roman drives them to the nearest police station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't obvious, parts 2-8 were memories/flashbacks he was having while crying on the floor >:3c
> 
> almost done! working on chapter 3, then there should be one more Part


	2. Conflict

Virgil had held Roman’s hand as he gave a statement to the blank-faced cop, eyes locked on the faux-wood table. After fingerprinting and DNA collection, they asked if they could do a rape kit. Virgil only agreed to it once they reassured him Roman could stay in the room, and he’d hiccupped and sobbed into Roman’s shoulder as clinical hands collected evidence, Roman shushing him softly and petting his back. Once that was done, they asked to take his clothes and offered MDPD sweats for him to wear home. Virgil changed into the soft, loose clothes and left with Roman, gripping his hand. 

Virgil refused to get out of the car when Roman drove him back to the apartment. Roman supposed that was a stupid move on his part and started driving to his place without another word, turning on the radio to break the silence. 

“Hey, Roman,” Virgil mutters. Roman glances at him out of the corner of his eye and hums questioningly. “Do you think… You think Pat’s gonna break up with me?”

Roman actually looks at Virgil at that with a bewildered expression. “Why would you think that? He loves you! Once he hears what really happened, I’m sure he’ll take everything back.”

Virgil shrugs limply, looking out the window. “I let him do it again. I cheated on him. I’m tainted.”

Roman purses his lips and pulls over, putting the car in park and turning fully to face Virgil. “Virgil, look at me.” Virgil turns his head to look at Roman, looking tired and defeated. It made Roman’s heart clench. “You did _not_ cheat on Patton. You were raped. None of this is your fault, and if Patton ever holds this against you I’ll kick his ass. Not that I think he ever would.”

Virgil just sighs and goes back to looking out the window.

* * *

Roman fluffs the pillow one more time, smiling down at his work. Unlike Patton and Virgil he couldn’t afford a two-bedroom apartment, so Roman had set him up on the couch, complete with bed sheets, a blanket, and his softest pillow. He smiles and turns to Virgil, who’d been standing in the entrance to the kitchen with a mug of tea while he worked. “What do you think? Not too shabby, huh?” He grins. When Virgil doesn’t immediately respond, his smile fades. “Virge? You okay?”

Virgil gnaws on his lip, looking anywhere but Roman as he asks quietly, “Can I… Sleep with you? Don’t wanna be alone…” Roman’s heart clenches. He’d thought Virgil would feel uncomfortable laying next to someone else after what happened, but he forgot that Virgil had basically just ended things with Patton, too. Of course he would want to be close to someone. And Roman was all he had, at least until this was all sorted out. 

“Of course, V.”

Roman doesn’t bother fixing the couch, instead making sure Virgil’s done with his tea before lightly dragging him to bed and curling up next to him. He smiles softly as Virgil wraps his arms around Roman and closes his eyes, falling asleep soon after. 

Roman wouldn’t be so lucky, his mind working furiously on how to fix this before it gave in and mercifully let him sleep.

* * *

That had been nearly a month and a half ago. Virgil was still living with Roman, and with each week that passed more of his things were integrated into the apartment. Patton had proven nearly impossible to get a hold of, but Roman was sure he was staying with Logan; when he went to get more of Virgil’s things, he’d notice some of Patton’s missing as well. No matter when he called or how many times he did, Patton refused to answer. Logan would, of course, but if asked about Patton he would simply say “That is not my business to divulge” and hang up. It was beyond frustrating.

Virgil had barely left bed the entire time he’d been staying with Roman. On a good day, Roman could get him to spend a couple hours on the couch watching a movie, or get him to sit on the little patio connected to his apartment. Though, on the bad days (which greatly outnumbered the good ones), he would only get out of bed to go to the bathroom, and sometimes to eat. That in itself was a battle. Sometimes he just didn’t care, sometimes he didn’t have the energy to, and sometimes he thought he didn’t deserve to eat Roman’s food. 

Roman was at his wit’s end. It was breaking his heart seeing Virgil like this, and he was beginning to fear for his health. The weight loss was visible now, Virgil’s cheeks hollowing out a little, his hands a bit more bony. Roman was sure he was weeks if not days away from hair loss, and Virgil didn’t even seem to care. 

After the second week, Roman had gently recommended that Virgil sleep on the couch if only for a change of scenery, and Virgil had become nearly inconsolable, gasping and sobbing that he was disgusting, even his friend couldn’t stand to be around him anymore, he was useless, ugly, worthless. Roman had nearly cried hearing what Virgil said about himself, spending nearly two hours talking Virgil down and apologizing. He hasn’t broached the topic since. 

Roman thought about all this as he got dressed, pulling his shoes on with a sigh and pocketing his wallet and keys. He slips into his room, pressing a soft kiss to Virgil’s hair. Virgil’s eyes flutter open and Roman smiles at him kindly. “Gonna run to Starbucks. Want anything?” Virgil seemed to think about it for a moment, Roman holding his breath.

“... Hot chocolate?”

Roman beams. Virgil hasn’t wanted to eat or drink anything besides water in days. “You got it. Back in a bit.” He gives Virgil another head kiss and slips out of the room, humming to himself as he makes his way out of the apartment and to his car. As he drove, he continued to think. If he could just see Patton in person, he could explain everything and Patton and Virgil could talk it out! The trick was finding Patton, or getting him to go somewhere when he wouldn’t even answer the phone.

Roman parks outside the Starbucks and gets out, heading inside. He orders a tall non-fat vente latte with extra whip and Virgil’s hot chocolate, then stands to the side. He looks around, admiring the decorations on the walls. 

And then he sees them. 

Roman thanks whatever deity is out there looking out for him as he marches up to Logan and Patton’s table. He slaps his palms down on the wood, looking right at Patton, feeling a sense of satisfaction as Patton looks up and his smile dies. Logan watches with a raised eyebrow; truthfully, he’d been thinking a confrontation was overdue.

“Why won’t you answer our calls?”

“W-well, I-”

“You know Virgil’s barely left my bed? He also barely eats. He thinks he doesn’t _deserve_ to.”

An unreadable look crosses Patton’s face. “But I-”

“You didn’t even wait for him to explain! You just left him there, _alone_ , after he was raped!”

The words are out of his throat before he even realizes he’s said them. Roman’s eyes widen and he looks around the small shop, most of the chatter dying down. Oh, screw them, they don’t matter right now. Roman turns back to Patton.

Patton’s face is pale as a sheet, his eyes wide, hands slack around his coffee cup. His voice is barely more than a whisper as he asks, “What?”

Logan sighs, motioning to the chair in front of Roman. “You might as well sit down.” Roman nods, pulling out the chair and sitting down. Normally, he’d say it wasn’t his place to share this story, but they needed to hear it and Virgil wasn’t going to say anything. He sighs, beginning his recount of that day a month and a half ago.

* * *

Tears are streaming down Patton’s face. Some of the anger Roman’s felt since that day ebbs away, knowing Patton regrets everything he said and did. He stands up when his name is called. “Look, I’m really sorry to just leave like this, but V wanted hot chocolate and right now, nothing else matters more to me. Text me later if you still wanna talk.”

Logan nods in understanding as Patton wipes his eyes. “Thank you, Roman. We’ll be in touch.”


	3. Wake-Up Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's about time Patton talks to Virgil, yeah?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Contains effects of/references to starvation, depression, and death

**9 Months Ago**

Virgil hesitates in front of Patton’s door, fidgeting with his hands restlessly and chewing on his bottom lip. This talk was long overdue honestly, and he couldn’t put it off anymore. Not now that he and Patton were dating. Roman had said just as much.

_“You can’t be in a healthy relationship long-term without trust and communication, V. You can’t put this off any longer, Patton needs to know how you feel and you need to know, unequivocally, that he does trust you. Otherwise it’s just gonna like… fester.”_

Virgil huffs around the lip he’s gnawing at and knocks on Patton’s door before he can chicken out. Patton’s melodic, cheery voice calls for Virgil to come in and he hesitantly opens the door. Patton is lounging on his bed, cartoons on the TV mounted to his wall. He looks up and smiles at Virgil, sitting up and patting the bed next to him. Virgil shuffles over and sits on the edge of his bed, looking down at his socked feet.

“Did you need somethin’, Virge?”

Virgil chews on his lip while Patton waits patiently for him to speak. “.... Do you trust me?”

Patton’s eyebrows furrow. “Of course I do. What is this about, hun?”

Virgil summons as much courage as he can to turn and face Patton, looking him in the eyes. “The day I met Roman, you didn’t think he was a good person until Logan said he knew him.”

Patton’s mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish for a moment before he lets out an incredulous huff. “Well, that was a little different, Vir-”

“How? How was it different? Before I moved in with you, you never questioned my judgment or doubted my choices. Actually, that was the first time you ever did, and it hurt.” Patton closes his mouth, deflating a little, and Virgil surges on. “It felt like…. Like you’d stopped trusting me. Like because I stayed with Dee even though he hurt me, I didn’t know how to judge people’s character or think for myself. It felt like… Like you were saying my opinion doesn’t matter.” He looks at Patton once again. “And I know that’s not how you meant it. Or at least… I don’t think you meant to mean that? I don’t know.”

Patton is quiet for a moment before he says softly, “I’m so sorry, Virge. I didn’t realize I hurt you. I didn’t mean to… to question your judgement. I was worried about you, and you’re right, I think knowing what Dee… did to you… I started to think maybe you were too forgiving, or just, I don’t know, ignored the bad parts of people. But I’ve known you since we were practically kids,” at this, he takes Virgil’s hands in his and smiles gently. “I know you’re smart, and kind, and perfectly capable of handling yourself and making your own choices. I’m so sorry I let what happened to you cloud my judgment and I ended up hurting you. I promise to be more careful about it in the future, so do you promise to let me know if I do or say something that hurts you like that?”

Virgil looks down at their joined hands and nods with a small smile. “Yeah, Pat. Thanks.”

* * *

Virgil recalls their talk about trust, and Roman’s advice, as he watches Patton tentatively come into Roman’s room and sit at the foot of the bed; he pulls his feet closer to himself under the covers. Virgil is nearly buried in blankets, his hair a mess, dark shadows under his eyes and skin pale and thin. Patton gives Virgil a shaky smile as he takes in how much the other has changed in almost two months. “Hey, Virge. How you feelin’?”

Virgil shrugs, his gaze drifting to the wall. Surely Patton was just here to tell him how disgusting he was, how he regretted wasting nine months of his life on him, and he wanted him to take the rest of his things from his apartment. He didn’t at all expect Patton to start crying and apologizing.

“I’m s-suh- _so_ sorry, Virge, I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t- I didn’t know, didn’t give you a chance to e-explain, and then I just _left_!”

Virgil sighs softly. “Please don’t cry, Pat.” His voice is a hoarse whisper; he doesn’t really talk much these days.

Patton sniffles and wipes his eyes with a short nod. Virgil didn’t need Patton to cry, he needed him to be strong, to be there for him. “Did… Did you go to the police?” He sighs in relief when Virgil nods. “And?”

Virgil shrugs. “Ask Roman.” The first time the cops had shown up to discuss his case with him after he’d done the rape kit, he’d had a breakdown as soon as they said his rapist’s name. Since then, all details and planning have gone through Roman. 

Patton nods. “Okay. When was the last time you got outta bed?”

Nothing. 

“Virgil?”

“I took a leak a couple hours ago.”

“Have you had anything to eat? Drink any water?” When Virgil doesn’t respond, Patton sighs through his nose softly. “Come on, Virge. You gotta take care of yourself.” He reaches his hand out to help Virgil up and Virgil flinches back, pressing his face into the blankets. Patton’s heart clenches and he slowly pulls his hand back. “Sorry… Please come out to the kitchen with me? Lolo’s talking to Ro out in the living room, he misses you too.”

“I just wanna sleep, Pat. I’m tired.”

Patton tears up. Roman had warned him about the state Virgil was in during the few phone calls they’ve had and when he arrived today, but being confronted with it in person was a whole different thing. “Okay, hun. I’m gonna go talk to Ro, feel free to join us if you feel up to it, okay?” He waits for a response, but when he doesn’t get one he just sighs and goes back out to the living room. 

Roman and Logan look over when they hear the door shut, watching Patton walk into the living room and sit down with a sigh. “How’d it go,” Roman asks gently, turning to fully face him.

Patton looks at his friends with teary eyes. “He’s so skinny, and pale, and quiet-” he lets out a small sob, and suddenly he’s being pulled into Roman’s arms. He hugs back tightly as he begins to cry. “I’m so scared, he looks like he’s just wasting away and he doesn’t care, I don’t know what to do!”

Roman squeezes him gently. “I know, me too.”

“I can’t believe I did that to him, I’m horrible!”

“Patton,” Logan finally speaks up from behind Roman. “Blaming yourself will do nothing to help Virgil or yourself. You are not to blame for what has happened. What happened was horrible, and unfortunate, and sad, but you bear none of the fault or responsibility for what that man did and your emotions in the moment were completely valid. Yes, you could have given him a chance to explain,” he interrupts as Patton opens his mouth, “but there’s no point in dwelling on what-ifs or pointing fingers. We need to focus on how to help Virgil and that begins with getting him out of that room.”

“He rarely even gets out of bed. He does to go to the bathroom, but sometimes he won’t even get out of bed to eat. I have to bring the food to him.”

Logan nods. “We need to get him to engage in physical activity. Taking walks, to start. Establishing a basic exercise routine such as daily walks will help his circulation, appetite, and circadian rhythm. We can worry about the rest after.”

“As long as we’re not walking to the park,” a quiet, hoarse voice cuts in from behind the trio. They turn to the hallway and see Virgil standing in the entryway, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a cloak. Patton nearly jumps to his feet in joy before Roman’s hand on his knee stops him.

Roman smiles carefully. “Hey Virge. Feel like taking a walk, then? We can just walk around the apartment complex, come back if you get tired.” Virgil shrugs and Roman’s smile turns more genuine.

“Who do you wanna go with? I figure it might be a bit much for all four of us, so you wanna walk with Ro? Maybe Lolo?” Patton asks brightly. Virgil looks between the three of them, shifting awkwardly. They all wait patiently for him to make a choice.

“Patton.”

Patton’s eyes widened in surprise. After everything, he didn’t expect Virgil to want to be alone with him, least of all in a setting where they’d probably be conversing. In the open. “O-oh, okay! Lemme get my shoes on.” He rushes over to the door to put his shoes on and Roman gets up, clapping Virgil on the shoulder with a wink. Virgil looks away with a blush and slips on a pair of slippers, adjusting his hold on his blanket so it didn’t drag on the floor. 

Patton grins as he straightens up, turning to Virgil. “Ready to go?” He holds out his elbow out of habit. Virgil nods, but instead of wrapping a hand in Patton’s arm like usual he just reaches out and opens the door. Patton’s smile dims and he says a quiet thank you, slipping out of the apartment with Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all the people who have supported me, left comments/kudos, and enjoyed my work. I've been so busy lately but I'm on medical leave from work so I'll have a lot more time to write now, so hopefully I'll be able to finish out the series by the end of July! Almost there guys!


	4. The Talk Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t be in a healthy relationship long-term without trust and communication, V. You can’t put this off any longer, Patton needs to know how you feel and you need to know, unequivocally, that he does trust you. Otherwise it’s just gonna like… fester.”
> 
> Virgil recalls their talk about trust, and Roman’s advice, as he watches Patton tentatively come into Roman’s room and sit at the foot of the bed.

Patton has to slow down his already leisurely pace to stay in step with Virgil. It’s another stark reminder of how different their lives were now, of the mistakes he’s made, watching Virgil shuffle along like an elderly person clinging to the blanket wrapped around his body. His skin nearly glows in the sunlight from how pale it is, his eyes dull and tired, his lips chapped and hair flat. It’s only been two months, and yet he looks like he hasn’t eaten a full meal or left his room in six. Patton finds himself wondering if Virgil’s nightmares are as bad as they were when he left Dee, or if they were worse. 

“I accept your apology, but I don’t forgive you,” Virgil says. If Patton wasn’t so hyper-focused on him he probably would have completely missed Virgil speaking. His words are like cold water down the back of his shirt, though. 

“Wh… What?”

Virgil’s breathing is slightly labored, pulling at Patton’s heartstrings. They’re hardly twenty yards from Roman’s building. “You… didn’t let me explain. You saw a… a bruise on my neck… and instantly assumed I cheated. Do you… really think that little of me?” It’s hard to tell if he’s speaking so slowly because he’s exerting himself, or because his cognition and concentration are impaired. After they’d gotten home from the coffee shop, he and Logan had looked up the effects of starvation. He needed to know what he’d done to Virgil. Impaired cognition and concentration, heart problems, constipation, among other things. He’d tried to convince himself it hasn’t been long enough, but now he wasn’t so sure.

“No, baby, I… I’m so sorry. I honestly don’t know why that was the first thing I thought. I know you’d never cheat on me-”

“Then why… did you never… pick up the phone?”

Patton’s face pinches and he looks down. “I… I don’t know…” This was horrible. He knew it’d be silly to expect Virgil to just jump out of bed with joy and forgive him, to go back to their lives as if nothing happened, but this? “Do you… are we still together?” It hurts to ask, but he needs to know.

Virgil lets out a soft sound that Patton thinks is supposed to be a laugh. “We haven’t been together…. Since you walked out… of that apartment.”

Patton tears up. This was horrible. He hated it. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from fighting with Virgil, from seeing that bruise and losing all sense of reason, or at the very least pick up the damn phone and come over sooner. “Do you still love me,” he asks softly.

Virgil is quiet for a long moment as they walk. They turn the corner and Virgil says just above a whisper, “Yes.”

“I still love you too… So… What should we do? What… What do you want to do?”

There’s another pregnant pause. Patton is about to repeat the question - maybe Virgil hadn’t been listening, or had gotten distracted? - when Virgil finally replies. “I can’t… I can’t be in a relationship right now.” His eyes are wet, and his voice cracks slightly. He wished he could just jump back into it. He wished it was as simple as making up, sharing a kiss, and going home. God knows he’s dreamed of that very thing a dozen times, but… it had taken him almost a year to get better after leaving Dee. With the state he was in, he needed to focus on himself before he could commit to a relationship. Patton seems to understand this without Virgil having to say it; he nods, a sad but understanding look in his eyes, a small frown pulling at his lips. 

They continue to walk in silence for a few more minutes before Patton reaches out to redirect Virgil and he flinches away. Patton hesitates, putting his hands in his pockets. “Sorry… We should head back, get something to eat.” Virgil nods, drawing into himself as they head back to Roman’s place.

* * *

Roman is practically beaming with pride. The four men are sitting in his living room, Roman and Patton on the couch, Virgil on the floor sitting back against Roman’s legs, and Logan in the armchair, watching movies and eating stir fry. Virgil took off the blanket, his spot in front of Roman directly in the sunlight warming him plenty. For the first twenty minutes, Roman had been watching Virgil rather than the movie, worried he wouldn’t touch his food. To his pleasant surprise, Virgil was actually eating, albeit slowly. He was picking at his stir fry, his eyes glued to the screen. Granted, he was eating one piece at a time, slipping a grain of rice or chunk of sauteed onion past his lips every five minutes, but Roman only cared that he was eating. By the end of the first movie, he’d eaten almost half of what Roman had given him. He could cry. 

Patton and Roman locked eyes and they both smiled; Patton felt the same way.

While Roman had been making lunch, Patton had slipped into the kitchen. Logan and Virgil were on the couch catching up, and he still felt… distance between him and Virgil, so he figured he’d give them the room. Patton leans against the wall, watching Roman. “Hey, Ro?” Roman hums, still working on the stir fry so he didn’t want to look away. “Do you think… You think Virge will ever wanna be with me again?” 

Roman snrks and starts laughing, surprising Patton. It seemed he could tell what Patton was thinking without having to look at him though as he quickly reassured him. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh,” he said through his chuckles. “It’s just that- I’m getting hella déjà vu. The day I picked up Virgil, he asked if I thought you were gonna break up with him.” 

“Oh…” 

That takes the wind right out of Patton’s sails. Now all he can see is Virgil crying, consumed with worry and anxiety, waiting by the phone day after day, too afraid to call him but hoping and praying that the phone would ring and Patton would ask to talk. 

“I fucked up.”

“You don’t gotta tell me that,” Roman mumbles. He sighs, turning the burner to low and facing Patton. “Listen… I know you still love him, and he still loves you. He’s been hurt. Both by that snake _and_ you, and it’s gonna take time to heal from that. That doesn’t mean that the two of you will never be together again. But,” he stresses, “that also doesn’t mean you two are guaranteed to get back together someday. Don’t go getting any expectations, okay? Just… Be there for Virgil. _Learn_ how to be there for him, ‘cause… this isn’t the Virgil you saved from Dee’s house, or the Virgil you knew in high school. This is a new Virgil, who’s been raped and deserted, and he doesn’t trust hardly anybody anymore. He barely lets me touch him. He’s incredibly dependent. He… He doesn’t see himself as anything more than… an object.” Roman chokes up, turning back to the stir fry as he takes some deep breaths. 

“Just… Be careful with him. Don’t treat him like you used to, but don’t infantilize him. He doesn’t need someone to take care of him, he needs to get better.”

Patton nods in understanding. This was… a lot, but as overwhelmed as he felt he knew it had been worse for Roman, knew that it is worse for Virgil. “Okay… Thanks, Roman.”

Roman hums. “Now grab the bowls out of the cupboard, stir fry’s ready.”

Patton moves to the cupboard, pausing as he grabs four bowls, nibbling on his lip. “... Hey, Ro?”

“Yeah?”

“What… what happened with Dee? Virge said you guys went to the police but he doesn’t know much else.”

Roman sighs. “Well…. They took a statement, and some pictures, and did a rape kit. A few days after that they came by and tried to talk to Virgil about shit like pressing charges, but as soon as they said that monster’s name Virgil fell apart. So I’ve been handling all that stuff. Uhm…” He plays with the wood spoon he’d been using. “I actually… We’re working on pressing charges. I need to get Virgil in on it, though, and… I don’t know if he’s ready for that, y’know?”

Patton nods. “Well just lemme know if I can do anything to help, yeah?”

Roman starts portioning out stir fry into the bowls. “Actually…. There is one thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so after this there should only be part 10 left but depending on how i write it, it could turn into a part 10 and part 11  
> do you guys care about/wanna see all of virgils recover and the conclusion or do you just want me to sort of skim over his recovery through memory and shit


End file.
